Countee Cullen: She of the Dancing Feet

She of the Dancing Feet

And what would I do in heaven pray, Me with my dancing feet? And limbs like apple boughs that sway When the gusty rain winds beat. And how would I thrive in a perfect place Where dancing would be a sin, With not a man to love my face, Nor an arm to hold me in? The seraphs and the cherubim Would be too proud to bend, To sing the faery tunes that brim My heart from end to end. The wistful angels down in hell Will smile to see my face, And understand, because they fell From that all-perfect place In honor of National Poetry Month and with the inspiration of friends, I share this poem. Countee Cullen is one of my favorites, especially since he comes out of the Harlem Renaissance. My heart from end to end. BEAT

Real and Presentable

The REAL Us:

The PRESENTABLE Us:

What a weekend. What a good weekend. What a good, good weekend.

BEAT

Early...

...birthday gift. Thanks mom and dad.

I more than love it.

BEAT

ps: The Vintage Pearl rocks!

For Us: A Prayer for These Days

God of abundant life, be present. Make us known to your presence. Let us remember how Jesus welcomed the child to sit in his lap and said, "Do to the least of these and you will be doing unto the One who sent me." In every moment we are the child and the doer. Give us the compassion to hear our friends. And give us the clarity to ask for strength. Make us known to those who are experiencing stress. And make us humble enough to share our heavy hearts. Whether in thought, prayer, or deed, guide us in grace, and grant us wisdom. Because of Jesus Christ made known through the Holy Spirit, we are sustained and redeemed in everlasting love. Amen.

Because in every moment we are the child and the doer,

BEAT

Just one?

Growing up I would always say, "But you can only have one best friend." I meant it. From an early age, I would only allow myself to have one best friend. And I made that clear to others. I would declare, "No, This is my best friend. You are not."

The word "best" denotes special, extraordinary, better. Most think of that in a singular form. One best friend. One.

What a fool. I'm talking about myself. Unless of course you hold the same notion. Foolish.

I went to college and the world changed. I changed. I brought along Amber. Well, not really brought along. But we were roommates for four years, yet we've known each other since sixth grade. Amber and I, attached at the hip for those first days at LaGrange, met some folks. It started on our hall, Hawkes 3. Our neighbors would be the first contacts; then quickly followed a curly haired girl down the hall. By the end of that year I was connected to Amber, the neighbors, a curly haired girl down the hall, a girl the floor below who loved turtles, another red head the floor above, and then another set of roommates who just happened to live in the next dorm over. Count it up, that makes nine.*

The next three years created a bond that has lasted. It has not been easy. We moved away. Some got married. Some didn't. Some are still in school. Some work 50 hour weeks. Different stages. Different steps. Different.

But there is a bond. I call these ladies my BFFs. And I mean it. Forever. Always. I know, I know. Sounds even more foolish to say forever than just having one best friend. But I have a feeling. It's okay; call me a fool. Even crazy.

I have some other BFFs. Good BFFs. One recently visited. I'm lucky. I might even call her my sister before my best friend. Her family is my family. My family is her family. Yep, we'll go with sister. And still there are more.

As you can see, I've been pondering this whole BFF thing for awhile. One person in particular has been on my mind. We've been friends since my birth. (Literally.) Our history is deep and wide. We fall a part from one another, but we always find the paths that lead back to the rhythms and patterns of friendship. We'll find our way back. I've got this thing called hope.

The moral of the story, don't be a fool. Have a whole gaggle of best friends. It makes life special, extraordinary, better. And tell'em if you have them. Tell'em you love them. And if you don't have them, well then, I will be praying for you.

Not just one,

BEAT

*There were a few that ebbed and flowed in and out of the circle, but they did not stick around. I mean it, they made the decision to quit us. We can be a hand full but well worth it. Something you want to hold on tight to and never let go. Promise.

Soundtrack: The A Side

I was recently inspired by a former professor's editorial in the LaGrange Daily News. He called his article, "10 Great Songs: My Life on Shuffle." I have more than 10 songs. Hundreds if I thought it out (even more). If you've read more than 5 or so post on this blog then you know music is important to me. It gives me a reference point. When I don't have the words, I can find a song that does. I have no musical gifts. None. Well, other than appreciation. So, this is the A side. The ones that come to mind immediately. I will publish the B Side one day.

And just so you know, I love albums more than a singular songs. So for every song listed below, I am really recommending the whole damn album. In most cases the artist has a story to tell and that album allows you to encounter, learn, and know the big picture. And just so you know, these are not ranked. They may (kinda sorta) go in chronological order of life lessons. These songs are landmarks. Some famous, some not.

1. Alanis Morissette: "You Learn", Jagged Little Pill (Can we say middle school? Along with my love for Mariah Carey and No Doubt. You can't go wrong with lyrics like, "I recommend walking around naked in your living room.")
2. The Wallflowers: "One Headlight," Bringing Down the Horse (Buy the whole CD! Please! So wonderful. This was the down days of late middle school and early high school. "Three Marlenas" and "Laughing Out Loud" are winners, too. This song allowed me to hide in my room and still have a friend.)
3. Joan Osborne: "One of Us," Relish (I've never been one from Christian music. This is my religious anthem. I did sing this magical tune for my sixth grade solo and got a superior. My voice changed after that moment. I never did another solo, so it holds a special place in my heart.)
4. Burlap to Cashmere: "Good Man," Anybody Out There? (I lied. There is this one Christianish band I l-o-v-e. They are no longer together. This band and this song best characterize the beloved days with my youth group. These were my best friends, and I didn't even go to school with them.)
5. Sister Hazel: "Happy," ...Somewhere More Familiar (My absolute favorite band is Sister Hazel. Each album has been the background music for the last ten years. This song, well, is perfect. It's catchy. It's fun. It's message is true. "Who's content? and who's for rent?" It all makes sense when you think of clicks and insider/outsider fears of school.)
6. Pat Green: "Three Days," Three Days (I still play this song when I am about an hour from my parents' house. I usually only have have three days. And Mr. Green could be my favorite country artist.)
7. Hanson: "Crazy Beautiful," Underneath (Junior year of college was the best. Other than coming into my own skin, I rediscovered Hanson. No judging. This song is best when the windows are down, volume up, and my favorite roommate and I running away from stress with frosties and french fries.)
8. Gladys Knight and The Pips: Midnight Train to Georgia (On a hellish trip to L.A. that involved being stranded in Dallas overnight and a whole bunch of u-turns, this song was played every few hours. My group took it as an omen. We needed to get the hell out of Cali and back to the homeland. Since leaving the G-A, this song has had a special place in my heart.)
9. Ben Folds: "Best Imitation of Myself," Ben Folds Live (Getting ready to graduate and wondering about the next chapter. I knew this song would be my graduation anthem when I first heard the line about losing my Southern accent. Then I went directly to CH, where I was learning to be me.)
10. Indigo Girls: "Nashville," Rites of Passage (Pretty self explanatory. I played this over and over the first two months I moved. I still play this song before every big exam. The album title kinda describes the purpose and plan of being in Nashville, too. And you can't go wrong with the Indigo Girls. Right?)
11. Coldplay: "Swallowed in the Sea," X & Y (I just love this song. "And I could write a song a hundred miles long. Well that's where I belong." It reminds me of my friends and family, especially when we are hundreds of miles apart. Though away, we are so close. And there is always the hope of being reunited.)
12. Dixie Chicks: "Lullaby," The Long Way (If and when I get married, this will make the perfect first dance song. For now, it is what I listen to when I can't sleep. That is more often than I wish these days, but I am okay when I have this song in my life. The ladies of DC consistently provide me with the therapy I need.)
13. Glen and Marketa: "Falling Slowly," Once Soundtrack (This is the most perfect movie soundtrack ever. Not mentioning the movie. If I could describe the emotion of love in words, I am pretty sure I would use the lyrics of this song. Dramatic, I know. The raw emotion is even evident in the honest singing. It draws you in. And Lord knows we need more love in this world. Something about the mixture of forgiveness, time, and hope makes the message of love so clear. And it is not about lasting love. Just love in all forms.)
14. Alison Krauss: "Down to the River to Pray," O Brother, Where Art Thou? (Right now, it is all about prayer. Life is in transition, meaning I am in discernment. It brings comfort. And comfort is something I'm in short supply of at the moment.
15. Joe Purdy: "Sad Clown," You Can Tell Georgia (I'm still trying to figure out why I love this song so much. And not just love it, but why it applies to my life. It does. I just know it will be with me the rest of my days. Enjoy. Just enjoy the incredible voice of Mr. Purdy. Oh yeah, if I had to recommend one album you must buy at this very moment, this is it. It is that good.)

So, I would love for you to share. What makes up your soundtrack? What plays in the background of your brain as you go through each day? What song or artist makes life bearable?

On repeat,

BEAT

Photo Friday

Tallapoosa, GA

May 2006

This picture is to honor all the wedding anniversaries of friends and their appendages during the summer months. Congrats! Love y'all. And many blessings of more happy days.

Love, love, love

BEAT

*The wedding featured above carries a funny story. I think it had something to do with an awkward kiss, speedy reception, and the bride never speaking to us again. Right, ladies?

Words Can Hurt

While in Salisbury, my group took a tour of the tower. 300 and some odd steps to the top of the Cathedral. Finally reaching the final platform that allowed us to look out onto the town, I was hurt by some words. Winding staircases, 300 and some odd steps to the top, and it took one sentence to ruin the adventure. Words that reminded me of deep feelings and insecurities. Words can hurt. Words do hurt. 

After going out the first small door onto a balcony to look out the tower, our tour guide directed us back in and pointed to another door. Walking toward the next balcony, the tour guide looks at me and says, "You've had one too many full English breakfasts. You're too big to fit on this balcony." The tears could  immediately be felt. That deep stinging feeling at the back of the eyes. I had to look away. I had to walk away. One sentence with the words "too many" and "full" put me over the edge. My feelings were hurt. 

The tour guide told other members of my group they could not go onto the balcony. These were guys. And he didn't look them up and down before saying anything. Nor did he mention eating habits to them. It is funny how the smallest of actions or words can hurt someone. I should know this by now. I do it more often than I realize. Not only does it make you feel insecure because your personal dignity is wounded, it hurts because those words are said with such little consideration. Such little thought. Even when you think you're doing the right thing or being cautious, words can hurt. The tour guide probably thought he was being cautious because he knew I couldn't go onto the balcony because the tower had leaned over the years, making it impossible for some to fit on the narrow lookout. 

His words still hurt. I found myself obsessing about my weight the rest of the trip. Using my bag to cover parts I do not like in pictures. Sucking it in. Not liking myself because of one sentence. One thought. One cautious remark that carried more weight than my tour guide could ever realize. I find myself obsessing still. At this very moment. And regretting. I am regretting my words, sentences, and thoughts that have hurt others. 

Someone in particular of recent days. Words of caution and concern still hurt. And for that, I am sorry. 

Words can hurt. My words can hurt.

BEAT

Reunited...

...sorta. Megs is being replaced by Marg. JM made the big move across the pond!  

Bristol, Bath, and maybe even London. Just another summer traveling to and with the BFFs.

Conquering the world 1/3 at a time,

BEAT

Tired

Tired. Long days. Heavy days full of the world's problems. The church's problems. Humanity's problems that few are willing to really talk about. Much less solve. Change. Make better. Become whole. 

Heavy. 

I direct you HERE. It is true! Beware UK! Beware. 

I miss my girls. And to be together in another country. 

Dreams do come true.

BEAT

Friendship Is Not Like A Booty Call

I went to a great service this morning. Two hours seemed like twenty minutes. It was a place of welcome. A church that made space for the homeless. Not just space, but a home where every member is valued. Put to work. And given praise. 

Justice is for all. They even had a "ritual" of hospitality.

The sermon was about friendship. The dynamic pastor said, "Friendship is not like a booty call. It requires foreplay and after-play." Of course you laugh. Of course. But how true. He explained that friendship requires three essential components. He took something most fear, the IRS, and used those initials to outline the necessity of Intentionality, Response, and Sustain. This IRS is what allows us to be friends. Good friends. Great friends. Best friends. Which equals work. Hence the need for foreplay and after-play. 

I want to be that good of a preacher one day. Honest. True. Lively. Relational. Gospel.

Nothing like a booty call,

BEAT

Forward

I think I've posted this t-shirt before. I still want it. (hint, hint) If not the t-shirt, I would put the tote to good use. (hint, hint)

I frequently think about writing a book. Not because I am a great writer. I am not. But I have experienced some amazing things in my life. And why not share them with the world? This book would most likely be about my friends. We have many names: the nine, the girls, mondays@9, and the LCers (or for the purest, LGCers). We went to college together. All four years. You know all of this. I've shared parts of the story before. "Bible" study every Monday night at 9pm. Yadda, yadda, yadda. 

We are celebrating the three year mark of our graduation. And we have had some up and downs since May 20, 2006. Can I get an amen, ladies? We are definitely in an up period. Flourishing. Comfort. Buying houses. Steady jobs. Making life choices and feeling good about it. Moving back. Moving away. Getting other degrees. In process. 

If I had to write a book at this very moment...it would be a collection of our emails. More specifically, a collection of our grateful lists. I would have to get their permission of course. Girls? We send grateful lists every Monday. Yes, every Monday. Five things. It is so easy to forget about blessings, positives, joys, and love. So easy. How long have we been doing this? Over two years I think. That is a lot of emails, lists, and well, love. I don't want to ruin the book, but we are grateful for some crazy things. They make me laugh. I have been known to cry. These lists exhibit our evolution into adulthood. It is really amazing. Every week, a new list from nine people. 

So, really all I need to do is write the forward. I like to make things easy on myself. I have a few days off before classes start back. Maybe I will get a move on it. It is a good story. I want to share it. You know, because I have eight reasons to be grateful on a daily basis. Eight. And that's not even counting the mom, dad, and brother I call family. 

I will keep you updated. My fingers are wanting to type. The brain is a-moving. Something like: "It all started with one simple phrase, 'We need a bible study.' That was in the first week of college. It just happened to be girls only. That's what happens when you live in an all girls dorm..." A really good story. Ups. Downs. Yet we are always grateful. 

What are you grateful for? I encourage you to write it down. Even share it. It gives you reason to hope...and to love...and to know joy. Something we don't do often enough. Hope, love, and joy. Remember to give us credit for the inspiration. I prefer Mondays@9. Or you can do with The Nine. They are my inspiration. I will let them be yours, too. 

Being grateful while writing a forward,

BEAT

Photo Friday: Birthday Tribute

ABD

April 3, 1984-Today

WV to Ohio to Talmo to Jackson County to LaGrange to Macon

Dearest Roommate,

I really wanted to pull out high school pictures, but I am not cruel. I mean, not that cruel. 

When I tell people that I had the same roommate for four years...well, they are dumbfounded. Then I explain we have been friends since middle school (yes bloggies, middle school). I love you. Deeply. You get it. You get me. Thank goodness someone does. 

Now, let's cover some of our phases: 

1. Haymore's Class=Second Home (Praise Jesus! We would have not made it through senior year.)

2. Boys suck! Throw rocks at them! (That didn't last. See photo #1.)

3. Gilmore Girls (Still wish that was our life. Around age 60 we will get another opportunity to watch together.)

4. Bugs (The only time I really wanted to divorce you. Maybe. Nah. They did smell. Badly.)

5. BEAT sits between Boy and Girl while watching House (So glad the Boy was willing to put up with me. He misses me. You and I know the truth!)

6. Did you know ovaries feel like peeled grapes? (Recent phase. So damn funny. I am so happy you are going to be the rich one.)

There are so many other stages. Really, how many times have you wanted to divorce me? As much as I love you, I am the biggest pain in the ass. How do you do it? 

The depth of our relationship is only something we know. Saturday morning wake-ups. Cry fests with your head in my lap. Stress busting by cleaning. Long drives accompanied by Wendy's. Speaking of, there are those oh-so-comforting crab and cheese ragoons. Notecards. Milk with ice. You freeze. I'm hot. The truth about family dynamics. RA rounds. Email exchanges. Easy bake oven. Camping chair therapy. 

I am grateful for your friendship. I am lucky. This world is blessed by having you on it. You care about people. Praise God that you are going to be a doctor. A good doctor. Loving. Caring. Kind. Compassionate. 

Once again, why didn't you divorce me? Especially sophomore year. 

Happy Birthday! Don't be mad about the bat picture above. And I was skinny once upon a time. I mean as skinny as I can be with a linebacker's frame. 

Thanks for loving me. I cannot do it without you. I mean it. Always, forever and forever, always. 

BEAT

ps: Phase 7. Let's play dress up... (Probably my favorite phase because it continues.)

Welcome to the Old Ladies Club, Katie!

So, I forgot to mail the birthday card I got you. I will mail it. Just not in the next couple of days. It is one of those weeks. I was thinking, "How can I honor my dear friend Katie? Once hallmate. Once roommate. Always friend. I know! Blog tribute."

Here is your tribute:

Happy birthday, dearest.

I love you, always and forever...forever and always.

BEAT

Check Katie out here. Friend. Sister. Wife. Thrifty lady. Teacher. Librarian. 

Photo Wednesday*

Christmas 2008

LaGrange, GA

How perfect is this picture? 

Perfect. I know.

Joy upon joy,

BEAT

*The parents are coming this weekend. Bless them. Bless me. I am doing Photo Friday early because I am entertaining...and totally being spoiled. 

and then I cried...

What an incredible story, friendship, and lesson. 

I'm glad I have one, two, or eight similar relationships. Very different, but deeply connected. 

And yes, one tear. Maybe two. I say for good reason. 

Love upon love,

BEAT

New Day. New Year! New Me?

 I'm glad I had that serious talk with the mom. A night with friends in LaGrange was well worth the extra two hours in a car. No one was hurt seriously by the fireworks. The girls lasted longer in the cold. We split wins in the board game. And the Sparkletini was yummy! 

Happy upon happy,

BEAT

Top Five of the Year

The girls and I did the top five things, people, events, and such we are most grateful for this year. I suggest you do the same. Write it down. Share it. Let people know what has made you grateful, especially as you prepare for a new year. These are hard times. Let's be honest. We all need a little hope and joy! These are times to remember. It could be about luck. (Because I am lucky!) It could be about thankfulness. (Praise God!) It could simply be about counting your blessings. (Which I hope are more than just five.)

Here are my TOP FIVE...

1. England. What a wonderful trip. I felt like an adult on a great adventure.  I love to travel.  Thanks Megs and JM! Thanks for being my wonderful traveling buddies. 
2. Vanderbilt and Nashville. I finally feel like myself in this cool town. I have met great people, made better friends, and am preparing for the future. Most of all, I am lucky to attend such a wonderful school. 
3. My mom. I dearly love my father and brother. I am blessed to have a humorous family, but my mom keeps us going. I ask her every single time I am home, "How do you put up with us three?"  The Mom is a saint, but she just doesn't know it...
4. The United Methodist Church. I am so very excited about my future. And I am even more happy to be part of a church that challenges political leaders to think more inclusively, welcomes all God's people, and ordains women. 
5. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you. (Count it up! It's eight. Plus me equals nine. This goes out to the Nine.) And I mean it! Thanks for being my sounding board, advice givers, and best friends. Talk about true blessings. 

See, friends. I am lucky. I am blessed. And most of all, I am thankful.  This is one great grateful list. I hope you can count them up--beyond 5, 10, or 125. Write it down. Share it. Take time to remember.

Grateful upon grateful,

BEAT

progressive dinner...

Photo Friday

Meghan's sweet House.

My second home. 

LaGrange, GA