I had to give a speech of sorts at Fellowship Breakfast this morning. Nothing like being alert and talkative at 7:30 am. I thought I would share it with y'all. Why not? It outlines this thing we ministry folks call "call." Not a huge fan of talking about myself. Really. But for some reason, I'm asked to do it often. (Some details are, well, exaggerated to keep the attention of older folks.)
I’ve been Methodist my whole life. The meaning of that has changed for me throughout my 25 years of being on this earth. It’s meant what you do on Sunday and where my friends are and what made me different (I went to grade school with a bunch of Baptists who didn’t know how to handle me having a female as a pastor and thinking a sprinkling could pass for a baptism). Then my time with the church meant struggle and affirmation. During my teen years, I spent more time with my church youth group than anybody I went to school with. I was the only “country” kid at my church; the rest of the teenagers were “city” kids. Around the age of 16 I went to on a fall retreat with about 250 other Methodist teenagers to Rock Eagle retreat center. We were packing up to head back to Athens at the end of the weekend, and one of our chaperones stopped the group and asked us to sit back down. After stammering on his own words for five minutes, he finally looked at us and said something like, “You don’t have to wait. You don’t have to be older. God can call you to ministry at any age. Don’t deny it. Don’t hide it. Don’t be scared. If and when the call comes, own it.” That was a defining moment in my life. It clicked. The pieces came together. This deep yearning that had been twisting my heart for…well, I don’t remember how long. But I owned it. I knew that God had called me to serve, to be in ministry with the church and its people.
Well, I sorta owned it. I kept it quiet for a few months. Being a 16 year old female and knowing I was (and am) called to be a minister can cause a great deal of anxiety. I started with my parents, bless their hearts. My mom’s response to this news, “Really? Really! Okay. Fine.” I thought, “That went well.” Then I moved on to my father. His response to the big reveal, “Nope. You’re not going to make enough money. How are you going to support yourself?” After many hours of debate, my dad was not able to wrap his mind around the idea of his daughter being a minister. This became a point of contention until I went to college. And as for my brother, he just wants me to be done with school and get a full time job. He’s been saying this to me for years. Aren’t siblings sweet?
My senior year of high school was…hard. Telling my Baptist friends that I, a female, wanted to be a minister in the church did not receive responses of joy. There were many conversations that ended with, “Well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree.” And disagree we did. I started the application process to colleges, looking specifically at small liberal arts schools with good religion departments. After much debate and financial aid discussions, I made the decision to attend LaGrange College in LaGrange, GA. Because my father was still having a hard time with the whole idea of church work and being a minister, I assured him I was going to be a psychology major. I didn’t take a single psychology course while at LaGrange. Instead I dove head first into the world of religion and sociology. To say I loved my time at LaGrange College would be an understatement. I met eight women along the way who were part of a bible study I attended. This bible study met all four years on Mondays at nine pm. To this day we still email and call each other at least once a week. Some married, some still single, some teachers, one social worker, some still students like myself. We are best friends, and I have LaGrange College to thank for these women of strong faith for being in my life.
As far as classes and activities, LaGrange’s motto is to challenge the mind and inspire the soul. I experienced both. My senior year I was president of the Honor Council that handled academic cases of lying, cheating, and stealing. I was chair of Wesley Fellowship and various others groups. And I was afforded opportunities to travel around the world to experience and celebrate how other cultures do church and live into their faithfulness and discipleship. Some of the places included Costa Rica, Bolivia, Mexico, and even Spain. By course work brought me the most joy, a mixture of ethics and theology and biblical studies and then the practical stuff. My official major was Church Leadership. So many of my classes were concerned with the ministries of the church—working with youth, planning worship, preaching, writing curriculum, and even pushing my professors to think more constructively about all ages present in the local church. My summers during college were spent exploring the vast ministries of the church. I was a camp counselor in the north Georgia mountains. I was a youth ministry intern. I was an interim youth pastor and supply preacher for a small country church. Those summers allowed me to confront the complexities of church work. Mostly, I found affirmation. I once heard a pastor say, “I fell in love. It is a love affair with the church.” I did just that, I found my place working and serving the various peoples that call church a home.
Some where in the midst of my time at LaGrange, my father got it. He saw it. He watched me live into my call, and he has become one of my biggest supporters. I remember the first time I heard him say to someone, “See my daughter (points at me). She’s going to be an ordained minister.” Still brings tears to my eyes. Affirmation. I still get excited when I hear my dad tell people I’m going to be a minister. Or that I am a minister.
When I graduated from LaGrange I confronted many realities. Number one: I was the first to graduate from college in my immediate and most of my extended family. It was a new chapter for the Tolbert family. It was a big accomplishment. (And I am most definitely the first to go to graduate school.) Number two: I needed a break from school, from classes, from reading, and from tests. Number three: I wanted to work in campus ministry because I was just not ready to fully step into adulthood. I graduated in May of 2006 and moved to Chapel Hill, NC at the beginning of July. I became the full time ministry intern for the Wesley Foundation at Chapel Hill. What a marvelous year. Campus ministry may not sound glamorous. Ministering to a bunch of teenagers entering adulthood as they are trying to make major life decisions can be, well, challenging. It was lovely to be doing the work of ministry full time. It was not easy. The hours were long. But once again, it was affirming. I realized I’m an okay teacher, preacher, and counselor. Really, that year in NC gave me hope. Though I was only a few years older than most of the students I ministered to, I quickly realized they are the folks that are going to make this a better world. Not only hope, but they inspired me to listen to more closely to the voice of young people. They have unique voices that are full of love, care, and compassion. No matter what the news reports or common conceptions, I witnessed greatness in the words and deeds of these young adults.
The whole time I was being the campus ministry intern, I was also tackling the discernment process. In that year I became a certified candidate for the order of elder, one of the stops on the ordination track in the UMC. The other part of my discernment concerned where to go to seminary. Looking back, I knew Vanderbilt Divinity School was where I needed and wanted to be from the earliest stages of applying to graduate schools. I looked around at other places. Duke and Emory were high on my list. I decided to come to Vanderbilt, even though it gave me the least amount of financial aid. Like I said, I really knew it was where I needed to be. The day after I accepted my scholarship package I received a letter in the mail. It was a new financial aid package that included a full scholarship and stipend to Vanderbilt. Affirmation? I say yes. It mentioned something about a new leadership program for Methodists, but all I could think about was the possibility of getting out of graduate school debt free. I finished my internship at UNC’s Wesley Foundation and moved to Nashville on July 17, 2007. I started classes soon after.
Within the first week of that Fall semester I had a meeting about this leadership scholars program thingy that was giving me money to come to school. I realized quickly it was more prestigious than I ever imagined. I was part of the inaugural cohort , myself and 5 other students, of the Cal Turner, Jr. Leadership Scholars for Methodist students seeking ordination. I was appointed to a church to be their intern for the next three years to develop, practice, and do ministry leadership in a local congregation. My placement just happened to be West End UMC across from Vanderbilt’s campus. The first was an introductory period to this large member congregation. Last year I spent my time helping and developing a ministry of hospitality for visitors, those considering membership, and new members. This coming year my time will be focused on covenant discipleship small group and training leaders at West End. My time at Vanderbilt and West End UMC have been challenging, but to use the magic word, affirming. One requirement of my degree is to do a field education placement in a non-congregational setting. Talking with the field education director, I requested the opportunity to do chaplaincy work specifically focused on ministries with and to older adults. And guess who fit the bill? You. Making contact, swapping some emails with Carmen, coming for a visit in March, and here I am. With you.
As my time draws near here, I am looking at a full year of classes, interning at West End, and completing my requirements for commissioning in the UMC. Hopefully this time next year will have me returning to Georgia, commissioned, and starting my first appointment. Simply put, this summer has been a wonderful learning experience. And once again, my call and gifts for ministry have been affirmed, lifted up, and blessed by my time with each of you.
Blessed. Amen? Amen.
